Friday, May 6, 2011
Want
I was told that you didn't want me. Your own actions have only verified this to me. And I begin with you, because we apparently spent my earliest hours on this plane in each other's company. I don't know if I felt it in those first few days when you held me, or perhaps even sooner when I was still in Mother's womb. But from the outset, my earliest knowing tells me that you did not prepare the way for me. You did not make the world a welcoming place for me.
Furthermore, there were expectations of tiny little me from the moment I was a definitive being, more than a thought between two people. Draft baby, flower child - I wasn't too old before I figured out these things. It also seemed to me growing up, and now, that you didn't really work your schedule around me, but "tried to work me in." Often times I didn't see you for weeks, and when I did, you told me that you weren't allowed to see me. Right. And you expected me to honor you and respect you. I tried that. It was painful.
And now, as I look around, I still cannot truly ascertain where I am wanted. Many people try to work me in. But a rare few make it a point to make me a priority. If not you, of course not others. Right? Right.
Fuck you.
Furthermore, there were expectations of tiny little me from the moment I was a definitive being, more than a thought between two people. Draft baby, flower child - I wasn't too old before I figured out these things. It also seemed to me growing up, and now, that you didn't really work your schedule around me, but "tried to work me in." Often times I didn't see you for weeks, and when I did, you told me that you weren't allowed to see me. Right. And you expected me to honor you and respect you. I tried that. It was painful.
And now, as I look around, I still cannot truly ascertain where I am wanted. Many people try to work me in. But a rare few make it a point to make me a priority. If not you, of course not others. Right? Right.
Fuck you.
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